I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
