I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
