I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
