I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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