Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
