I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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