escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
