Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
