just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
