Your tits are I can't wait for
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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