Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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