sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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