my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
