So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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