I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
