Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
