Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
the raccoons are back...
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