im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
