I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
