he puts the penis in happiness.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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