In the future we'll all be gay
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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