I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
