yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
