I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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