So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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