I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
