yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
