Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
