she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
