I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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