She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
