Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
