So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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