bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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