is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
