dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Its about making memories worth repressing
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
