I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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