Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
