You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
