what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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