Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
