I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
