We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
