my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
