doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
