i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
