Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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