therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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