watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
