yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
