I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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