Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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