Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
